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Sep. 15th, 2017 09:17 pm[personal profile] xriverxjoix
xriverxjoix: a slightly smiling girl with butterflies flying around her (Default)
i keep forgetting things. i can't remember what i'm doing from one moment to the next. i keep starting to write this, and then forgetting. my babies won't sleep, and when they do, they wake up super early. Killian woke up at 4am today. now it's 9pm, they've been in bed for hours, and they won't sleep.

i hallucinate when i don't sleep. i know it's in my head; but it's hard not to freak out when i constantly see a man pointing a gun at me, out the corner of my eye. i want to know what postpartum anxiety is. i am definitely anxious all the time. i think David is cheating on me, i think my baby is going to die, and i have to keep overwhelmingly busy so i don't think too much. also i itch all over, all the time. (might be my mom's laundry soap.)

we started Clara in montessori because i think it's a better environment than watching cartoons with David all day. we could just barely afford it, at a discounted rate. but then David didn't start his new job right away, so we missed a paycheck; and he stopped donating plasma because he caught a cold. none of that is really his fault, but i'm like $600 short for the month, i can't ask my parents because they just bought a house, and i'm stuck holding the bag for this school bill when i can't even pay all the other bills. i'm trying to sell baked goods again. i might sell my guitar. i feel like every. single. time. we think we might be ok financially, something like this happens. i feel like God hates us, honestly. it's really depressing.

David is spending a lot of time on second life again. i can see his chat log (when he doesn't turn it off, which he says is an accident) and i see there's a sub. i want to trust him, i want to forgive him, but i don't want to be naive. we just celebrated our 7th anniversary, and he made a toast wishing for rebuilt trust between us. i want that too.i just don't know if we can have it.

Attempting home repair

Sep. 15th, 2017 01:14 pm[personal profile] zulu
zulu: Karen Gillam from Dr. Who, wearing a saucy top hat (Default)
Initially thought the toilet chain had come unhooked from the flapper: no prob

It came unhooked because the rubber hole on the flapper valve had worn through: boo!

Turned off water to toilet: success

Detached & extricated flapper valve (pointedly not thinking about all that gunk in there): success

Will go to store to see if they have flapper valves of the right size (will bring detached valve as reference): this afternoon

DID ALL WITHOUT CONSULTING DAD: so far so good

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Caitlin L

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