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Jumping ship from Livejournal, although I'm unable to completely let go of 1,500 journal entries (that I'm totally unwilling to go back and read). These posts should/may crosspost to Livejournal, where I'd found so much support and help over the years.

I'm spending today feeling unmotivated as any other. Trying to get a few things done around the house- the plants need watered, things constantly need organized or sorted, the rabbit is roaming a bit and I'll have to spend some energy to clean her enclosure later. Listening to episodes of Seinfeld to try and counter the constantly running thoughts.

Hung up new calenders, trying to feel welcoming of a new year and trying to be more aware of my reluctance to change and counter that. Trying to find a sense of focus and accountability. I feel the older I get the less I know of what I want to do with this life I'm supposed to have pulled together by now.

My boyfriend and I share our third year of living together in a small shotgun-esque house here in town. He works at a plant nursery here in town, mostly full time, especially during the warm seasons, and I work at our local community kitchen which hands out free food to people in times of need. Sadly, every day is a time of need, and I feel like I can't do enough to help. We need a bigger change that one small part-time worker can't do much for, I fear.

I'm thinking on a second job, have been for a while. I can't find an ounce of confidence in myself and can't imagine interviewing feeling so stagnant and depressed, but I'll have to figure that out when the time comes. Updating the resume, for starters.

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Caitlin L

January 2017

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